Re: DSM: Encouragement or passion

CindyK (
Tue, 19 Dec 2000 09:25:44 -0500

Robert wrote:

> A foriegn student, I don't remember who she was, but I remember what she
> said about friendship. She commented how unusual it is to see people here
> speak personally to each other. In her country her many friends freely
> opened up to speak of their lives intimately. This brings closeness. She
> not understand that so few people here say anything personal. Friendship
> she knows it does not exist.

This is so true. When I was in highschool in Toronto we had a foreign
student also. She too marvelled at our lack of personal relationships. She
thought we had a wonderful method of meeting all kinds of people on our
extensive subway system. We could connect with hundreds of people every day
if we wished - yet instead we ignored each other trying hard not to catch
anyone's gaze. She helped me to see just how sad that is.

Some people said in their posts that they couldn't encourage me to start a
school without me knowing exactly what I was up against. Other's said it
would be wrong to encourage me "rah rah' style. I can accept that. This
list seems to be reserved that way, for whatever reasons. I have been on
other message boards and talked with others on the net and I find that the
anonymity of the computer usually allows people to open up more than thay
normally would so I don't think it's a technical thing. I am not
complaining, I'm just noticing that some here seem to think it would be
wrong to encourage someone before putting all the details out on the table.

I happen to dissagree. I went to college in a very difficult aviation
program. Over 600 people apply each year, 120 get into first year, that's
cut to 30 for the flying phase and then in our class only 23 graduated. It
was a very difficult program. I knew it was difficult going in. I almost
didn't do it. My mother proded me to 'give it a try'. If she instead had
laid out every difficulty I may encounter and made sure I understood every
little detail I can assure you I never would have started up that mountain.
Instead, she encouraged me to just try. It's worth trying. And I overcame
the difficulties as they arose - one at a time. I'm glad I did and I thank
my mother for believing in me and giving me the encouragement I needed to
just try - nothing more, nothing less. I can understand someone not feeling
compelled to encourage someone but I don't think it does anyone any good to
lay out all the difficulties of a task beforehand. It's good to know it
will be difficult but it is too overwhelming to see it all at once.

Please don't think that I am complaining or upset because I didn't get
encouragement here for the school. I just used that example to open up this
thread because that is how I came to think of it in the first place. I will
get the knowledge and understanding here and my encouragement from my
personal relationships. :)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone!

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